Lynn Crocker Creative

I used to be a very fearful person. This was not how I was born, but who I became. I lived in fear of disappointing others or doing something that could cause them to disapprove of me. I walked on eggshells, tentative in action and hesitant in interactions. I was constantly replaying moments from the past (did I say the wrong thing?) or conjuring up horrible visions of the future (what if I do something inappropriate?). As a result my head was filled with negative self-talk. It was noisy in there. So noisy, in fact, that I am never sure how she got through the static but she always did.

During this period of my life she usually reached me through nature giving me moments of peace. In fact it was at my lowest point that a stiff wind rustling through a forest of trees above me pulled me out of my self created hell and I heard her plea directed at me through nature’s energy. Her usual loving vibration had been replaced with one of anger and for the first time I felt true fear. I instantly gained a sense of awareness of who I had become and started on my journey back towards balance and connectedness.

Aware but not yet awake, she and I met regularly to share meals and talk. I sensed in her a doorway to the single, focused, never faltering connection with the infinite that I sought.